Thank you to the guy that dumped me.....

As well as anyone else that I tried to date that wasn't interested in me. Because of you I can confidently parent my teenage daughter without it destroying my sense of self (75% of the time anyway). I've never been so thankful to have had so many rides on the rollercoaster of rejection as I am at this point in my life. Should I send them all thank you notes? What's appropriate?

It's like I've traveled back in time. Does she love me? Does she love me not? When I'm not picking off figurative pedals I'm thinking strategy. Should I play hard to get? Wear less makeup? Lose weight? What will be the perfect combination of ingredients that will win her heart? Sometimes my love potion works and ta da! I'm in! Then not long after, that glorious moment of closeness passes and I'm brushing the dirt off my shoulders to go back in for more. I think I'm a sadist.

The hardest part of adopting an older child for me (and probably many others) is that her dad and I have to EARN her trust and love while also setting boundaries and "parenting". When a child is an infant they have a need and you meet it. This dance of need and then meeting that need creates attachment and trust. You don't have to worry about disciplining or teaching them to respect you right out of the gate (aka womb). It's a balancing act that we walk every hour of every day.

It's easiest for me to compartmentalize the two, so the last couple weeks I've made Friday my day off of parenting. Her school isn't in session on Fridays so we have the day together just the two of us. I still make her chew with her mouth closed (I'm not fond of see-food) and I still make her say please and thank you but aside from that I try to take the "teaching/parenting" hat off so we can just have fun together. Sometimes this is pushing her in a swing at the park, sometimes this is having a pajama and movie day, and sometimes this includes manicures following a 2 hour game of Uno. We listen to her favorite soundtracks in the car and get ice cream, but most importantly we act silly. It's good for BOTH of us.

Today we spent the morning getting her eyes dilated at Washington University's Eye Specialty Center in St. Louis (any doctor visit produces a high level of anxiety and usually a few tears) then back home to finish the last school day of the week. This girl is poked and prodded more than a packed piñata. Every time we have any type of doctor appointment the first question out of her little mouth is "Will I get an injection?". She doesn't relax from the time we enter the examination room to the time we leave.

First thing on the agenda tomorrow morning is going to Hanger Clinic to receive her new leg! We just found out this morning it's finished! No more pain from just trying to be a kid! She is pumped. The best part for her though is that the leg will LOOK like a real leg! Mocha skin tone, toes that can be painted, and all. She also has her first piano lesson tomorrow given by one of our new Telugu speaking friends who happens to be a gifted musician. Whether it's big moments like her new leg and her first piano lesson, or little moments like wanting to wear shorts yesterday after school I'm amazed to watch her navigate this strange new world.

I'm so thankful I didn't go through with my original plan of jumping off a bridge Wednesday. All it took was her reaction when I turned up to school for her afternoon "ride'' up the stairs. She saw me and her face lit up with that big smile we all adore. Within 2 seconds I was sucked back in and surrounded by her friends (thank God for those sweet girls) who then ALL followed us into the bathroom. I think only one other girl actually had to go. I'm not tryna brag but I'm super popular with third graders. Cool mom alert. The week is almost over, and tomorrow is Friday. I'm really looking forward to my day off, and I bet my darling girl is too. Our dramatic love affair continues.....