Why I write.....

I write because I want to give a voice to the reality of what the first year of adoption has and continues to look like for us, but most importantly I want to never forget how far God has brought us as a family when it’s all said and done. I love seeing photos on Facebook and Instagram, but as we all know most of what we share on social media are the moments we want to cherish. I definitely wouldn’t want a photo of my face in tears or better yet a video of me slamming a door in frustration. Yuck. After being home from India for a week or so I felt convicted that I was unintentionally glamorizing our life. On one hand, the thought of that is kind of nice. Richa IS beautiful and there ARE wonderful things happening. Who really cares? No one would know, and I could live in a state of social media denial. Ignorance is bliss, right? Wrong.

I felt like the more I posted pictures of the highs while skipping out on the lows the more of an injustice it was to all the other moms that have adopted and struggled just as much or more than me. How cruel to do that to anyone in my shoes. Maybe I’ve watched High School Musical too many times (compliments of my teenage daughter), but we really are all in this together. I hope when someone having a bad parenting day reads my blog they think….” I’m so glad I’m not alone.” or even better “Wow I’m so glad we aren’t dealing with that!” or even best "Adopting isn't as scary as I thought....maybe I could adopt?" I didn't expect to receive so much support from other women either. The response has been a much needed lesson on humility and leaning on the strength and wisdom of others.

There is also something freeing about honesty and acceptance. It’s scary to let the world know when things are ugly and painful, but the more I’m honest with others the more honest I can be with myself. The more honest I can be with myself, the more I can accept things as they are. I don’t believe this will be the case, but even if my daughter never shows affection towards me I still want her to have a mom. I want her to have a family and all the experiences we can offer her here in America. That desire doesn’t change based on her behavior. That being said, it’s taken me up until now to truly understand what that level of unconditional commitment/love means. Now I can move forward with this new awareness, as well as the realization that I have nothing to lose. What will she do? Not hug me? Not hold my hand?? Before I felt afraid and now I don’t.

I was prepared for Richa to have a tough adjustment, but it seems this transition has been the hardest on me. Richa is really happy most of the time, Andrew appears very fulfilled and content, and our families have accepted her with more love than I could have ever dreamed. I’m the one with a problem. I know most women can understand this when I say I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I would much rather be the one struggling and on the outs with our daughter than anyone else. My husband Andrew says all the time that if he could trade me places he would, but I wouldn’t want that.

Ironically, nothing that has occurred over the past 3 months has been a big surprise to me. I knew exactly what I was getting into when we were matched with Richa (hence the lack of sleep for 3 years). I had worked with children/families of adoption during my time as a teacher and a school counselor, I had read many books on the subject, and I knew the challenges ahead. I went into this life decision with my eyes wide open. Dilated and in shock but open. Some people enjoy extreme sports…...we adopted a teenager. Tomato Tomahto.

I guess everything is relative but in my opinion I'm a pretty tough cookie…. I swam a 200 meter IM with a sliced open foot that had been sutured (duck taped) close by my dad when I was 10, I passed geometry (barely), I’ve loved and lost, I earned my Master's degree, survived being married to my husband while he completed medical school and residency, I ran an marathon, and I have had to move to a new town and start over as an adult 3 times. Everything I've been through has been molding me into the mother Richa needs. I can totally do this. One Team?! Wildcats!!