Randomness

Keeping my eyes on my own paper is so hard. It was hard when I sat next to someone smarter than me in high school (basically anyone with a pulse), and it's hard now as a mom. One moment I'm internally celebrating that my daughter can use the microwave without assistance, sign for a pizza, and let the dogs in and out for potty breaks without me asking. She's doing so well I think! She's holding my hand, letting me kiss her on the head, and walking with her knee more and more! Hay Ho...Tip up your cup and throw your hands up.

The minute I let my eyes wander though......ugh. Panic ensues. I see other kids her age and I'm overwhelmed with how far she has to go in life. The videos her teacher posts on Facebook give parents a glimpse into our child's school day, and although I love seeing her face I immediately notice the large gap between where she is and where she needs to be. Her friends are actively engaged, asking questions, and connecting academic dots. My daughter on the other hand is usually in the still eye of this hurricane taking in all that is happening around her. I try to tell myself that one child's multiplication table is another child's microwave, but it's still difficult.

I thought that the more she adjusted and the more she became "Americanized" the easier it would be for us as a family and the easier life would be for her which would then increase my level of parental fulfillment. It's complicated, because I do feel extremely happy and proud of her, but with every step forward there's a small sadness that looms. It's both emotions at once.

I was saying goodnight to her one evening and time seemed to stop. I looked down at this little girl I love so much. She's in bed giggling and wrapping Gatsby (our dog) up in her blue afghan. I'm watching her and thinking "Wow she's so resilient and wow Gatsby looks just like Mother Mary" when I noticed it. To the left of her is a wall filled with pictures of friends from India. We put them up Day 1. All her memories, and all the people she's loved up until this point are to her left. On the right side of her bed is a wall filled with new friends and family. All the people she's falling in love with here. I want so much to say love us! Love it here! Love us more! And at the same time I want to cry because moving forward is just that....it's movement.....away from something or someone. Don't leave them I think.

We've made it through our first school semester. Upon arrival in America (just 3 short months ago), our goals for her were to become more socially/culturally aware, use manners, increase responsibility, start physical therapy, and develop new interests. She's knocked every goal we set for her out of the park. She loves tennis (wants to go every day), hates therapy but is compliant, has made wonderful friends, wants to learn how to play the violin, is accepting compliments without responding with "No I'm bad!" (WEIRD) but most importantly I know she feels safe and loved. We're setting new goals over Christmas break, and this mom is going to try and not compare my daughter to anyone else. Does anyone know where I can get those horse blinders?