Adopting a Special Needs Foreign Teen for Dummies
What holiday is coming up next? Can I put the aforementioned manual on the top of my New Years Day wish list? I have a feeling I'm fumbling through a life size version right now in case anyone is interested. Whatever the case or whatever the cause I usually feel like a dumb dumb weekly. Before I became a parent I felt like a dumb dumb for non-parenting faux pas.....I don't know.....like texting the wrong person who was under a different name in my contacts and not realizing it until a person other than who I thought I was texting showed up for our girls night out? You know....normal stuff. Now I've got a new job (motherhood), a new area of life to be completely clueless navigating, and a new learning curve to manage. Yes there are books....What to expect when you're expecting an "adopted older child" type stuff but ALL kids are different so it's tough to truly prepare for until it's already happened and I'm already feel like a complete doofus.
In addition to a new bike, a pink Segway type scooter, and tickets to see The Lion King, Santa brought my daughter (and myself might I add) a pimple Christmas morning. I named mine Polly and my daughter named her’s Patty. They chat during car rides (Richa says they speak Telugu), and are the best of friends. I’m working on a first-class ticket back to Hyderabad for both. Pre-parenthood I would have popped Polly day 1 with anticipation and excitement (you feel me girls). Post-parenthood I have to model that “picking is bad for your skin” so I can’t. The past few days have been torture. The things a mother will do so her daughter doesn’t have big pot holes in her cheeks. When we are being silly, laughing, or just playing together I feel like I'm an adoption/parenting expert. Should I start preparing my Ted Talk? The other 50% of the time I'm a deer in headlights feeling horrible that I didn't think to think of that. What is that you ask? Well how long do you have?
Did you allow your newly adopted daughter to walk around ALL day touring the Taj Mahal on a weak prosthetic leg which resulted in severe leg pain for two days? Yep. We got some great pictures though.
Did you visually give her an example of the loofa/soap/shampoo/conditioning process in detail? Nope. I'm pretty sure she just used whatever we had wherever she wanted for the first two weeks.
Did you allow your 15 year old daughter to be assigned to a 7th/8th grade classroom with children "her age" even though they towered over her in size and sensibilities? Yep.
Did you bring shorts to her first prosthetic appointment so she could try on her leg? Nope. No worries I have this gingham tea length chiffon skirt in the back of my car she can wear. True Story.
Oh and today I learned that before sending your child to horse back riding lessons or any type of "lessons" for that matter you probably need to talk to the person in charge, meet with her instructor, and make sure you're all on the same page regarding goals, abilities, boots, etc. Who knew?
Prosthetics, equestrians, catching up 8 academic grade levels, ESL, and curry are all brand new to me. Unfortunately giving myself compassion and grace aren't concepts that come very easy to me either, BUT I'm trying to learn. I'm also continuing to learn a few things about my daughter. I’m learning that most of my assumptions I have about her are completely wrong. Like she didn't react to the pink scooter because she had never seen or ridden one. Kind of hard to be excited about something that you've never experienced (aka the perfect pair of jeans). She wears an entire outfit of pink because she thinks the top and bottoms "match" if it's all one color. And last but certainly not least I've learned that if I pop my pimple in secret she never has to know. I'll be sure to include all of the above in the manual.