Mother Knows Best
Attending a slumber party was just one of MANY things that we had to force Richa to try last week. She doesn’t go for new experiences unless it involves speed and height (makes no sense). As for everything else…. she’s scared to death. As a former chicken who still refuses to ride a roller coaster or try new foods I understand her hesitations. However, as an alleged adult I know that she needs to at least give something a go before labeling the experience horrible.
We told her she had to go to the party, we talked about how attending the party would mean so much to her friend, and that we would check in at 8 o’clock. IF she wanted to stay the night she could decide then. Her dad and I encouraged her to go ahead and take her sleepover bag just in case she got there and changed her mind. Did she take a bag? No. Did she want to stay the night once she got there? Of course, she did.
The day of my wedding the wind was blowing like 50 mph or at least that’s the way it felt to my hair. I firmly shot down any chance of taking pictures outside, and we made due with indoor photos. On my honeymoon, I called home to be informed by my mother that I would regret not taking pictures outside, that outdoor photos always turn out better, and that on the day we got back we would be suiting up and re-taking wedding photos outside. I took those photos kicking and screaming. Literally. Guess which wedding portrait out of all the millions of photos we took that week I have framed and hanging in my house because it is without a doubt the best? Yep. The one that my mother made me take outside. That is just one of a trillion examples in my lifetime when she was right and I was wrong. SO, annoying.
Needless to say, I ended up running a bag over to my daughter at 8:30 at night, she got her nails painted, held the household cat hostage, watched a movie, and just had fun. She loved the sleepover as well as how good it felt to show her friend she loved her by just being there. All her worries…. the main monster being that the girls would see her take off her leg at night and freak out, went unfounded to her surprise and my (I told you so) delight.
It’s fascinating to watch her experience new situations, see that the worst-case scenario usually doesn’t occur, that she can trust the people we place in her life, and then watch her go into the next week at school with a new sense of confidence. The first day of art in September she sat there with absolutely no clue where her paintbrush should go or what it should do. Her teacher proudly told us this week that she’s working independently in art now, using scissors, and just creating without fear of it being wrong. Her math teacher reported yesterday that she participated in class! Raised her hand and gave out two answers completely on her own! We celebrated at home like she had won a Grammy.
When I was a school counselor I had a lot of parents ask me how to increase their child’s self-esteem. How can we help children feel confident and empowered? Many suggested strategies include focusing on the child’s strengths and raising their self-awareness of these strengths. I believe there is a place for that but more importantly I believe the best way to empower a child is to give them opportunities to be brave which in turn gives them an opportunity to feel pride in themselves.
Last weekend Richa conquered one of her fears and that confidence and self-pride couldn’t help but spill over into other parts of her life that were completely unrelated. This was wonderful for us to see as her parents because it was a reminder of what she needs in order to spread her wings, step off the comfort of the branch, and fly. Yes, she needs to be told how much we love her, that we believe in her, and how special she is to us but she also needs us to SHOW her we believe in her by giving her opportunities (sometimes by force) to believe in herself.