Survive to Thrive in 6 Months?

Has it really been six months? Or maybe the better question is has it really ONLY been six months? Both realities blow my mind because neither of them seems to fit exactly.

Did we really go to India? Did we really adopt a teenager? The trip, meeting Richa, being trapped over there for a week waiting on a Judge to sign off on her passport, waiting in line after line day after day, and starting a relationship with this little girl from scratch? How in the world did we all do it? I know we did because I have the photos, the receipts, and the PTSD to prove it but it seriously is like a massive blur in my archive of memories.

One night in India at dinner with our dear friend Ernest (our Indian version of Superman) he said “In 6 months she (our daughter) will be a different kid”. At the time, I thought really? 6 months? That seems like nothing. At that moment, I looked at her, and although most of our time in India is static this memory has always stuck out to me. She was holding a baby doll, her hair was completely untamed, she had absolutely no manners, possessed limited conversation/language skills, was scared to death of everyone and everything, and I thought I love you Ernest, I know you graduated from Harvard, and you basically have nineteen thousand successful business and mission projects going on right now but there’s no way. Maybe in 6 years, but not 6 months.

Well Ernest was right and I was wrong. No surprise there.

How do I describe the metamorphosis our daughter has gone through since coming home? It’s overwhelming and almost impossible to articulate with words. I made Marsala noodles yesterday for dinner which is an Indian sauce you can buy at Aldi’s for anyone that is thinking of putting me on a motherhood pedestal. She loved them, and requested that I put the leftovers in her lunch with “so much sauce and only 1 noodle” then cracked up at her joke (I did too). So, at her core…. she’s still the same. All the goodness, her love for animals, her empathy, and her humor are all still a part of her disposition, but she’s transitioning into the young woman she will eventually become, and it’s a beautiful thing to watch.

The portfolio her teachers showed me yesterday at our parent-teacher conference was a visual of the growth that we’ve ALL seen in this little girl over the last 6 months however we all agreed that it seems like within the last 2-3 weeks she has just taken off in every area of her new life. It’s like everything clicked all of a sudden. After 6 months of uncertainty, grief, and mistrust in addition to many unwanted life changes it’s all coming together for her. As a result she’s experiencing the benefits of putting herself out there a little in school and with those around her. She has started sitting next to me when we watch tv together, tells me she will miss me, and low and behold she hugs us back. I'll probably write an entire post documenting the first time she actually initiates one.

Throughout the first few months of our journey towards becoming a family I had another adoptive mom tell me that adoption can be extremely tough but one of the most magical experiences to be a part of if you can survive the difficult moments without losing your mind. No attachment to us at all plus leaving India to start over in America after a lifetime without parents has at many many times SUCKED. I totally get why a person might decide to dissolute an adoption mid-way through the process. Yes, people do that. And after experiencing this world for myself I understand that temptation. If it wasn’t for my amazing, level-headed, and extremely patient husband speaking truth and supporting me along the way I’m not sure I would have had the life-long commitment to my daughter that I should have had.

That wise mom was right though…. adoption (if you can just fake it until you make it) is worth all the messiness we’ve had to endure. To see her thriving moves me to tears, and gives me the motivation to not give up on her or on myself…. ever.