Breaking the Seal

I’ve been trying to write a blog post that would do the continued metamorphosis of my daughter justice, but I’m completely stumped (no amputee pun intended).

This is an attempt to put something on virtual paper in the hopes that the floodgates of my mind will open and my creative juices will start flowing again. I learned a few years ago that some sharks need constant movement (the flow of oxygen rich water to be specific) over their gills to breathe but some do not. I'm realizing I'm the former. Not in the literal sense. My body can sit in one spot (preferably the bathtub) all day and not feel restless, but my mind is another story. Girl stays thirsty. THURRRSTY.

I love being Richa's mom. I don't ever regret our decision to adopt her, but some days I feel like if I don't do something to challenge myself that has nothing to do with anyone but me myself and I creating something, and therefore breaking up the hamster wheel of everyday stay at home mom life I'm going to croak with a capital C. Feel me?

Vaccinations, leg appointments, NF clinic, MRIs, dental, bloodwork, physical therapy, academic catch up, learning English, social skills, trust building, eye contact, referring to people (myself included) by name, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Most of the time I feel like I'm just sitting in waiting rooms or repeating myself over and over and practicing. "Use your words." "Tell me you need help." "My yes is yes and my no is no....you don't have to worry."

Well this summer I decided once a week I am taking a day off. I'm confessing it. I've given myself permission to do this, and it's saved me. I leave for the day, her Dad takes the after school activities and bedtime ritual reigns, and as a result I don't go crazy. Another effect is that my apathetically attached daughter kind of sort of misses me which gives me the little ego incentive from her I crave.

I know not every woman needs a day off of parenting (or has the means/ability to take it which is another blog post entirely) and kudos to her, but this woman (me) does and although I cringe at the judgmental thoughts that might be present on the other side of this screen I want to be honest. Hey if you're reading this and you never need a 24 hour break from your adopted teenager (or biological children for that matter) than just sit on your throne of superiority and enjoy the fact that you're a way better mother than I am ok? I'm totally fine with that and probably won't disagree. It feels good making others feel good.

Well I wrote more than I planned today, so maybe there is something to effort even if it feels forced. There are so many times I stay stagnant because I don't know what the outcome of the moment of movement will be. Today it feels life giving to just write, which is an outcome I didn't expect but is surprisingly satisfying.....kind of like water on my gills.